In summer and fall of 2013, I still had difficulty with sleep. I would often have difficulty falling asleep, and I would often walk up early and not be able to fall back asleep. After I started meeting with the EMDR therapist on Bainbridge, she suggested I see a sleep specialist, so we found one in Seattle and I started meeting with her.
She suggested a handful of strategies to help with sleep. Most of these are strategies to wind down at the end of the day. She suggested:
- Journaling a couple hours before bedtime. The idea is that journaling is a way to process what is going on any particular day and by writing about it and analyzing it before bedtime, your brain has already processed and will therefore be less active as you try to fall asleep.
- Dimming the lights as bedtime approaches. Apparently there is research to suggest that brighter lights, particularly in the colder blue light spectrum encourage alertness, whereas dimmer lights in the warmer red spectrum are more calming and conducive to rest.
- Listening to instrumental calming music before bed (also as a way of calming the mind).
- Meditating before bed. Also, another way to calm the mind.
- Basically take care of everything that could be a worry before going to bed.
- Telling myself a story (the same story every evening) or counting as I laid in bed as a way of calming the mind.
What we didn’t take into account as we discussed strategies were my OCD tendencies. OCD latched onto these strategies as a foundation for all sorts of behaviors designed to protect sleep: take care of EVERYTHING before you go to bed so that there won’t be ANYTHING that could bother you and potentially keep you awake as you try to fall asleep. Did I get the mail from the mailbox? Were all the dishes put away? Was all the laundry folded? Was I packed and ready to go to work and then the gym the next day? It started with normal mundane tasks like this; making sure they were resolved before going to bed. But with time it evolved into more than that. OCD started playing with the “what if“ game, coming up with all sorts of things that could potentially be problematic and impact my sleep. What if I got thirsty during the night? Did I have a glass of water next to my bed ready to drink? What if I got a runny nose? Did I have tissue available? What if I got hungry in the middle of the night? Did I have a snack nearby? There’s a point where OCD transition from semi-reasonable things like this to some more far-fetched things. My car isn’t parked perfectly perpendicular to the wall. The plates in the cupboard aren’t stacked perfectly straight. My backpack fell over when I put it against the wall. I’ve gotta re-park the car, straighten the plates, stand the backpack upright before going to bed. Is the door REALLY locked? Are all appliances turned off? I started checking the heaters, the light switches, the door locks, the stove, etc. Particularly with this checking behavior, things started to feel “not right.” I know I already checked the stove five times, but is it REALLY off? How can I be certain it’s REALLY off? What if the knob is loose and falsely indicating that the stove is off? I better turn it on, and then off again just to be sure. Oh, but that didn’t “feel right” or like it actually turned the stove off. I better do it again. Eventually this evolved other things not feeling “right” and needing to correct for it. The key didn’t smoothly insert into the lock. Picking up the loaf of bread felt “off.” That step felt “funny.” I better re-insert the key, pick up the loaf again, retrace my steps. Because if I don’t fix it now it’s gonna bother me later and potentially impact my sleep. Eventually over the years all these behaviors would evolve into a vast routine that would essentially start everyday the minute I got home from work and last until the minute I went to bed.